FRAN HORNAK (pictured): After a decade of having young children and working from home, I’m aware that my interest in personal care has greatly waned. I need a reboot
After a decade of having young children and working from home, I am aware that my interest in personal care has greatly waned. I need a reboot.
Where better to find the latest tips and an overall sense of youthfulness than TikTok?
After an initial deep dive, I’m struck by how nostalgic the beauty of TikTok is. It is still recommended to apply toothpaste to stains and petroleum jelly everywhere.
The only development seems to be contouring – professional-level highlighting and shading designed to make teenage cheeks disappear in selfies.
My current contouring level is beginner, so this is high on the agenda.
But first the hair.
I’ll try it out tonight “Leggings” curls. This is what it sounds like: Part your hair and, using the gusset of a pair of leggings on your head, braid a section of hair around each leg.
This is demonstrated by a calm blonde girl who doesn’t seem to notice anything unusual.
“Now take the bottom and turn it into a hat,” she commands – much to the delight of my children (all boys under ten) – once the braiding is finished.
I properly tuck my trouser braids into the butt area, making me look like I’m wearing a Tudor beret. In the morning my hair is wavy, but no more wavy than if I had braided it normally.
On the bright side, the spectacle showed my sons the tremendous effort that goes into caring for female hair behind the scenes.
Leggings curls are demonstrated by Alexis Tolme (pictured). The spectacle shows my sons the tremendous effort it takes behind the scenes to care for female hair
I go to Mary Phillips – Hailey Bieber’s makeup artist – for contouring tricks.
After repeatedly watching her smear her face like a tiger and then magic it away with the quick, pouty infatuation that TikTok influencers excel at, I still haven’t wised up. My own effort looks terrible.
Most of the time I feel sorry for teenagers. Dodging a flood of Maybelline Dream Matte Mousse in 2000 was bad enough.
I go to Mary Phillips (pictured) – Hailey Bieber’s makeup artist – for contouring tricks. Here she is seen sculpting her face
I’m late “Soap Brewing” – Use a bar of soap on a clean mascara brush to fluff up the brows.
For my first try, I use Dove, which looks like I have color in my eyebrows.
But after switching to Pears soap, I’m very happy – my brows look naturally thicker. Then my son asks why I have “dragon eyes” and I reconsider.
I’m late to soaping my eyebrows – using bars of soap on a clean mascara brush to fluff up the brows (pictured)
Since contouring was a flop on Monday, I’m giving it a try “Fake Tan Contouring” Instead, I hope my artificial bone structure stays in place for days.
I watch as my chosen TikToker slaps dark tan spots onto her cheekbones and begins the more urgent blending process.
As she works, she warns, “You want it to look good enough to go outside and for no one to ask, ‘What the hell is on her face?'”
This is good life and beauty advice, so I’m frantically mixing it up. Hours later my face looks tanned, but disappointingly not like I’ve been sucking on a straw all the time.
Since the contouring was a flop on Monday, I’m trying the “Fake Tan Contouring” (pictured) instead – in the hope that my artificial bone structure will be preserved for days
I accidentally grew an eyelash and still have eyeliner on my temple.
The tutorial for perfect eyeliner by smudging it to the side delivers nothing
I’m going out tonight, and if the perfect eyeliner tutorial doesn’t work, I’ll try another TikTok hack – removing botched eyeliner with tape (pictured).
Today on TikTok someone with the name Hayley Buix warns me in a voice so sassy that I’m forced to obey: “If you don’t blend your blush all the way to the eye area, you’re missing out.” I’m just sayin’.’
Despite the comments saying, “I get this look by crying!”, I follow the instructions and blend blush upward into my concealer under my eyes.
It feels strange, but looks pleasantly radiant – like I’ve been working out.
Today on TikTok, someone named Hayley Buix (pictured) warns me in a voice so sassy I’m forced to obey: “If you don’t blend your blush all the way to the eye area, you’re missing out.” I’m just sayin’
I’m now exhausted from groom scrolling.
The ideas I won’t repeat? How about a layer of powder between the mascara layers (clumpy)?
I pinch my lip line for a more pouty pout (painful) and Fake freckles with brown eyeliner (Looks like I drank a cappuccino too enthusiastically). The only tip I will keep is the upward facing blush.
I end the week somewhat relieved that I don’t have a daughter and that TikTok didn’t exist in the noughties when I could have shared my own self-tanning tricks.
I pinch my lip line for a more pouty pout (painful) and fake freckles with brown eyeliner [pictured] (Looks like I drank a cappuccino too enthusiastically)