Red, White, and Royal Blue Review: Riotous, raunchy, and full of risqué nods to a REALLY wayward couple, KARA KENNEDY says this oh-so-hot gay romantic comedy will have you crying in Montecito

A cheeky ‘surrogate’ heir to the British throne and his famous American mistress whose steamy story is being broadcast to the world by a streaming giant.

No, not her! And this time it’s not Netflix either.

This wayward prince of England is called Prince Henry (wink wink), played by Nicholas Galitzine. And his sweetheart is the renegade son of US President Alex Claremont-Diaz (Taylor Zakhar Perez).

Her story, while absurdly familiar, is fictional: a sloppy, steamy gay romance brought to the big screen by Amazon Prime and released this week.

Red, White and Royal Blue was adapted from the sleeper hit novel of the same name.

In 2019, first author Casey McQuiston catapulted from an unknown 20-year-old to an overnight sensation when their wild royal romance went viral on TikTok, selling over 100,000 copies in just a few months and earning a spot on the New York Times bestseller list secured.

Her story explores the relationship between the two most eligible bachelors in the world.

A cheeky ‘surrogate’ heir to the British throne and his famous American mistress whose steamy story is being broadcast to the world by a streaming giant. No, not her! And this time it’s not Netflix either.

This headstrong prince of England is named Prince Henry (wink), played by Nicholas Galitzine (right). And his sweetheart is the rogue son of the US President, Alex Claremont-Diaz (Taylor Zakhar Perez, left).

Of course, the two hate each other and bicker at the royal wedding of Henry’s uptight older brother and heir apparent named…Prince Philip!

Their argument sparks a PR disaster when they smash a $75,000 cake and end up on the front pages. Fearing a breakdown in transatlantic relations, the two are forced to spend time together and publicly demonstrate their unity.

And guess what, this act soon leads to the rivalry turning into something very racy – and not a little unexpected, at least for Alex, who didn’t yet know he was into men, too.

The raunchy sex scenes that followed – of which there are many – were hailed as “radical” and bold because of their “reality”.

But the only radical thing about this film is how ridiculously serious director Matthew López takes on a film that’s — let’s face it — cheesy, entertaining, but undeniably low-rented.

López gushed in an interview that he refused to “shy away” from the sex scenes: “I really wanted to show something that I hadn’t seen much of in mainstream filmmaking, which is sex between two men that’s loving and connected .”, and that’s emotionally resonant. It would suit the way two men have sex with each other.”

Emotionally resonant or not, there’s no denying that what he’s created is genuinely sassy.

The breath, the sweat, the carefully cropped camera angles.

I would wince regularly, reminiscing about my teenage years, sitting next to my Catholic grandmother and watching a sex scene that was way too long, sweating with fear and trying not to make eye contact.

Caution: Do not watch this film with your grandmother.

Unfortunately, while a young couple’s non-stop banging in their first love rush may be realistic, the spectacle isn’t.

There’s a lot of talk in the movie about how “charismatic” the main couple is.

The raunchy sex scenes – of which there are many – have been hailed as “radical” and daring because of their “reality”. And there’s no denying that it’s really cheeky. The breath, the sweat, the carefully cropped camera angles.

Is charismatic the new Gen Z slang for offensively handsome but a little boring? Because while Henry and Alex are undeniably good-looking, their acting is about as stiff as their bedroom antics.

On the other hand, I think acting ability doesn’t matter much when you’re built like a linebacker and have a face like a J. Crew model.

But it’s not just them – the big talents are also left behind.

The biggest disappointment is US President Claremont, played by Uma Thurman – the film’s only major star – whose parodic Texan twist is as sad as it is borderline offensive.

British actor Stephen Fry’s cameo as the King of England, however, brings welcome comic relief. Not least because it’s incredibly bizarre to see a gay actor playing the role of a homophobic villain who doesn’t support the couple and the “rainbow mafia”.

Certainly the bad acting sins of a light romantic comedy can go largely unnoticed if the script is good. And the script is sharp.

In a moment of laughter, Prince Heinrich is found by an aide hiding in his underwear in Alex’s closet in the hotel room.

“We’re in a hotel full of reporters,” the aide snaps. “If anyone sees you leaving this hotel, I will severe your head from your body… Your Royal Highness.”

Intentional or not, the troubling resemblances to a certain Montecito couple are becoming more and more hilarious as well.

I couldn’t help but laugh when Prince Henry was referred to as “the heart of the Prince of England”.

I’m wondering: is his contrived style, the shyly titled head staring ahead, wide-eyed, also taken from the Princess Diana drama book — or is it just worse acting?

Unfortunately, while a young couple’s non-stop banging in their first love rush may be realistic, the spectacle isn’t. The biggest disappointment is US President Claremont, played by Uma Thurman (pictured) – the film’s only major star – whose parodic Texan twist is as sad as it is borderline offensive.

Intentional or not, the alarming resemblances to a certain Montecito couple just keep getting more hilarious. I couldn’t help but laugh when Prince Henry was referred to as “the heart of the Prince of England”.

While we’re at it, there’s also something oddly recognizable about rampant first son Alex, who keeps getting drunk, causing chaos and making sure his mom and her co-workers cover up the mess.

A pesky son of a president who has a thing for parties? Wink wink, actually.

When asked about similarities to the Windsors, director Lopez said: “[Prince] Harry, especially for being such a villain among these very uptight, dutiful royals, is maybe a comparison people will make… But to be honest, I feel like Henry [is more like] Wilhelm [Prince of Wales] in a certain way. “For a large part of the story, duty comes first.”

As we all know by now, “duty” isn’t part of Prince Harry’s vocabulary, so perhaps the comparisons aren’t justified after all.

Even though this film is plagued by bad acting, Red, White and Royal BlueUltimately, it’s a charming, sexy, feel-good romantic comedy.

And we can forgive all the horrible Texan accents and goofy Sussex parallels, if only to see these two oh-so-toned topless guys.