It’s a personality buzzword making the rounds on social media, but what exactly is a narcissist?
In a nutshell, narcissism means being completely self-obsessed and lacking compassion for others – however, there are varying degrees and differences between the personality traits it exudes.
The clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula has broken down the characteristics of a narcissist and said it’s a personality style and not a diagnosis – like many people think.
“People think it’s a clinical disorder. You shouldn’t say that if you’re not a doctor,” she said on Emily Ratajkowksi’s podcast High Low.
‘[Narcissism] is a personality style, [I] For example, I consider myself to be reasonably pleasant and conscientious; these are my personalities, they are not a diagnosis.”
The clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula (pictured) has broken down the characteristics of a narcissist and said it is a personality style and not a diagnosis
She outlined four types of narcissism that exist and some of the traits they exude – and explained in detail how to avoid parenting a narcissist
The four different types of narcissists revealed
Dr. Ramani Durvasula described four types of narcissists and their characteristics:
- Grandiose narcissists: self-confident
- Vulnerable Narcissist: irritable and anxious
- Communal Narcissist: Validation from Others
- Self-righteous narcissist: controlling
She outlined four types of narcissism that exist and some of the traits they exude – and explained in detail how to avoid parenting a narcissist.
“The classic narcissistic person that everyone thinks of is the grandiose narcissist,” explained Dr. Ramani. “The braggart, the arrogant, “Look how great I am.”
“I mean, you see a lot of celebrity culture is exactly the kind of attention-hungry person,” she added.
Dr. Ramani described this type of person as “smart,” meaning that they exude a certain level of confidence and are relatively unfazed by most things—until you’re alone with them.
“They just feel like they have the right thing,” she said simply. “Until you’re in a closed room with them and they’re mad at you and they’re taking it out on you.”
The next type of narcissist is a vulnerable narcissist, which Dr. Classifying Ramani as someone who looks more irritable and anxious.
‘Sometimes [they’re] even shy, but somehow they always hold grudges and are always victimized,” she explained. “How come things don’t turn out the way I want them to?” Why is the world looking for me? Why aren’t things going the way I want them to?”
The third type of narcissist is called a “communal narcissist” – someone, explained Dr. Ramani, thrives on validation from other people.
She told podcast host Emily Ratajkowksi (pictured) that it’s important to do an “emotional exploration” as parents to help them get in touch with their feelings and vulnerability
“The communal narcissist gets [their] “It’s a validation of being seen as someone who’s doing all these good things,” she explained on the podcast.
‘[They’ll do seemingly good things then say] “Look at me saving people, look at me collecting this whole money complex,” she said.
There are also self-righteous narcissists, whom she characterizes as someone who could be “controlling and cruel.”
‘[This could be with] “When it comes to money, it can be strange when it comes to time,” she listed. “They can seem discriminatory, but they are rigid, rigid, rigid.”
Dr. Ramani explained that a self-righteous narcissist has the facade of someone who works very hard and is extremely successful – but pointed out that this often happens to the detriment of others.
Dr. Ramani also spoke to younger generations who seemed more narcissistic than the generations before them. She hypothesized that parenting styles could sometimes have something to do with it – but emphasized the importance of different forms of communication playing a role across generations.
‘[The younger generations] Like Generation Z grew up with different things, right?’ She said.
“In digital terms, they grew up differently and so we have to be careful in the way they interact with each other not to pathologize a young person who is adapting to the way people in a generation communicate. “
“I think parenting practices are in a pendulum swing, so I think whatever Generation X may be, they are the baby boomers.” [and] “Gen X probably had parents who were more authoritarian and not as warm and not as affirming,” she suggested.
“Millennials and Generation Z, I think, got a lot more parental attention,” she pointed out. ‘In some The cases are probably too permissive – and that’s where we may see some of these chickens coming home to roost.’
The psychologist also said that social media plays a big role in how younger narcissists receive recognition.
“There was once a time when, in order to get validation, a narcissistic person actually had to leave the house, get up, shower, shave, do this and that, get dressed and go where other people were. “,” she explained.
“It took effort, so you didn’t get the confirmation at three in the morning, you actually had to put in some effort to get that confirmation.”
Dr. Ramani suggested reading age-appropriate books to children from a young age and encouraging emotional engagement.
“I tell parents to read age-appropriate books with their children and stop and ask them how they think the bear felt at the end,” she said.
“These are moments, whatever it is; a bear or a zebra, [ask them] “How do you think the zebra felt when the other zebra kids didn’t want to play with them,” she suggested.
She said “emotional exploration” was important – particularly for parents of boys – to help them get in touch with their feelings and vulnerability.
Dr. Ramani also revealed that “a big mistake” parents make as their children grow up is preventing them from failing.
“Many parents.” [don’t] “I want her child to be in distress, and that’s a big mistake,” she said.
“The bad is where the good things happen,” she said. “It’s about how they learn to deal with it properly, like you said, self-regulation, yes, that’s very important.”