Therapy Jeff: Couples often make this big mistake early in a relationship — and it’s a recipe for disaster

A therapist has identified one of the most common mistakes people make early in a relationship that can lead to all sorts of problems later.

Jeff Guenther, a licensed counselor with a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy, regularly shares his advice with fans after spending many years working in crisis support and in his own private practice.

The American expert who says:therapy jeff‘ said too many people ‘fall in love with the potential at the beginning of a relationship’ – something that rarely ends well.

“It might sound strange coming from a therapist, but you shouldn’t expect your new baby to experience positive change or positive growth,” he said.

“When we notice behaviors that don’t suit us in the first few days, we often brush that off by saying, ‘Oh, they’re going through a partying phase, they’ll get tired of it,’ or ‘Eventually they’ll open up about it.’ their feelings and communicate better, I’m sure.”

“While people can go through stages and learn better skills, relying on them to do so while in a relationship, which is usually a recipe for disaster, falls in love with their potential.”

Jeff said believing in potential often leads to disappointment and resentment.

“Instead, it’s important to see and accept them for who they are now, and not for what you hope they will become.” And if they evolve? cool bonus. Because change rarely happens and when it does, it can take years,” he said.

“Instead, find someone who has exactly what you want.”

Jeff regularly shares his advice on social channels and recently suggested a list of the top questions for new couples to ask each other if they want to have the best chance of going the distance.

1. What is considered cheating?

can you cuddle a bud Flirt with the barista? Finding a new dog friend without telling your partner?

“A lot of people end up on the couch because there wasn’t any discussion or agreement about what infidelity is,” said Jeff of Portland, Oregon.

2. Are there certain things that you mutually agree to keep secret?

Jeff explained that these are essentially secrets to keep to yourself.

“What if an ex texts you? What if a friend doesn’t like your new baby? Do you want to know?’ He said.

“What do you want to keep secret and what do you think is being disclosed transparently?”

3. Does this milestone (a defined relationship) make you more secure or anxious?

Does it feel like there’s suddenly more at risk? Does insecurity go away or does it give you the freedom to be more comfortable being yourself?

Jeff encourages couples to explore this topic in a sensitive and nonjudgmental way.

4. Are expectations changing and if so, how?

“Are we spending more time together? Am I your main emotional support? Are you my emergency contact? Or will everything stay the same except for the label,” Jeff said.

‘Talk about it.’

5. How can we make each other more secure?

The best way to start this conversation is to define the new labels.

‘[And] Besides adding a label to the relationship, is there anything else we can do to create a greater sense of security and ease? Jeff continued.

“Should you make an announcement on Instagram?” Post in the official group chat? Meet the parents? Are there fears that we can remove through action?

6. How should we break up?

Jeff admitted that this was a “bitter” issue.

“I hope that you have the lasting relationship that you deserve and desire … but many relationships eventually come to an end,” he said.

“Talking about how you wish your partner would break up when the time comes can make a breakup a little less awful.”

“Having this conversation now while you’re both excited about your new commitment can take some of the excitement out of it.”

Bradford Betz

Bradford Betz is a WSTPost U.S. News Reporter based in London. His focus is on U.S. politics and the environment. He has covered climate change extensively, as well as healthcare and crime. Bradford Betz joined WSTPost in 2023 from the Daily Express and previously worked for Chemist and Druggist and the Jewish Chronicle. He is a graduate of Cambridge University. Languages: English. You can get in touch with me by emailing: betz@ustimespost.com.

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